keep on swimming

Having a living thing to take care of is so stressful.

There are the green thumbs in the world, and then the black thumbs who kill plants with their touch. I think I’m black thumb, hand, arm, body and even my aura. I’m the type of person who can’t even keep a cactus alive.

Singular cactus.

I think maybe I just ended up getting a cactus with a very weak will to live. I don’t blame him. In this day and age, the zest for life isn’t, ah, especially zesty.

So after the cactus died, I layed off trying to keep things alive for awhile. After killing at least five fish, a turtle, a rabbit, my social life and now cactus, I was done.

At least until my neighbors decided to leave for four months and left their betta fish with me.  I’ll tell you, the first reaction I had was pretty much Oh no. I’m so sorry fish. You’re gonna die. But I took him home and set him in the my room because I had no other choice. The next morning my heart pounded the same way your heart decides to thump the moments before you receive an exam back as I went to check on him. In my mind I kept thinking He’s dead he’s dead he’s dead, even though I did absolutely nothing at all. I was just convinced everything I touched would die.

Well he didn’t die, and that left me with no other option than to feed him and to try to keep him alive.

Today I changed his water because there was mold growing on the sides of the tank because I was too scared to disturb him lest his tiny fish heart stop pumping but then he spent most of his days kind of sadly lying facedown on the bottom of the tank so I had to choice except wait for his death or possibly speed it up. I went with the second option but that was one of the most anxiety ridden tasks I had ever been assigned. Smart me decided to dump him in a plastic SOLO cup while I used an old toothbrush to scrub his bowl. I also completely eyeballed the amount of wter pH adjuster and after I put him back in the tank I spent a good twenty minutes watching him, just daring him to die.

I guess I sujected him to a little too much trauma dumping him back and forth because he wouldn’t move for a solid ten minutes and I don’t think I breathed much during those ten minutes. But as of now he’s still alive and hopefully he will be tomorrow morning…..

Moral is, it’s too hard and stressful to keep things alive and it adds 50mmHg to my healthy teenage blood pressure.

Honestly, just stick with plastic house plants.

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