When I was about eight, I decided that if I could brainwash my subconscious mind, then I could do the impossible.
After reading this huge encyclopedia on the behavior and evolution of humans, I thought if I could manipulate my involuntary brain processes, like convince my neurons to never die and stop my cells from aging, then I could control every aspect about myself. I reasoned that your brain is actually divided into two ‘people’. One ‘person’ is your mom always doing your bidding; when you want to move your arm, it moves. But the other is this stubborn toddler who won’t share his toys no matter how much you beg him to change. Like when you walk headfirst into a tree, you can’t stop yourself from feeling pain no matter how much you cry. But I thought if I could convince the stupid toddler to share his toys, if I could control this aspect of myself, all my problems would be solved.
I know it’s completely insane.
But as an eight year old, I was an ambitious 4 foot tall scholar-researcher-diva. Cheating death was only second to to ruling the world.
So I practiced my crazy theory by doing equally crazy things like scraping my knees and then convincing myself I couldn’t feel anything. Willing my ears to shut off and stop hearing because if my eyes could close, why couldn’t they? Or holding my breathe trying to prove that I didn’t need oxygen to live.
If I told anyone, they would’ve assumed I’d gone mad.
But what’s madness to one person, might be entirely plausible to another. In my little imagination, I set the rules for my own universe, and therefore everything I dreamed up was perfectly reasonable.
It’s a shame that growing older pushes you into reality which teaches you that living in an imagination is stupid and thus we stop daydreaming. Because on one occasion, I actually succeeded in my endeavors. I’m obviously beyond this lunacy now, but I can’t help thinking sometimes, hours past midnight. If I stayed an eight year old forever, perhaps I could have proven my theory for real.
And you can’t say it’s impossible because I doubt you’ve ever really tried.