I’m sure this is highly relatable so I just wanted to share with you all the trauma I just experienced so you all know that you’re not alone in your dark times.
I have, since ten minutes ago, joined the exclusively selective club consisting of people who have had to vacuum the remains of their pets at 1030pm on a Tuesday night.
I’m currently the only known member, but since it’s such a relatable issue I’m sure I won’t be alone for long.
The initiation process is quite distressing as the club name – Support for People Who Have Vacuumed the Remains of Their Pets – implies. My personal experience, as I’m sure you’re all dying to know, went something like this.
It was a normal day, with a normal moon, normal sky, normal party music coming from my neighbors. But my friend was in distress. He needed the answers to a worksheet so I, being the selfless hero I am, rushed out of my room to the outside world – my living room – so I could take a picture of my answers. No this is not cheating. But what should have been a smooth and flawless process ended up going horribly awry. When I ran out of my room I managed to knock over my glass apple shaped terrarium onto the carpet. That wouldn’t have been so bad on its own, but contained in the terrarium were very precious things. I managed to volley the glass back up as I watched it fall and played hot potato with one hand for awhile, but ultimately it fell and baby cacti plants, pebbles, dirt and moss covered scorched bark all were flung across the deep white carpet.
The cacti I managed to restore somewhat. One of them was way beyond salvaging but that was ok. The bark was more than easy to toss back in and there was plenty more dirt in my backyard so I wasn’t too concerned with that loss.
But my pets. My poor pebbles lay sullen and dead atop the thick threads of synthetic wool carpeting. The will to live had long vanished from their glossy surfaces and I could not resuscitate them no matter how much I willed.
So the only choice left was the clean up the mess and move on. It wasn’t easy making that decision I’ll have you know. There was a considerable amount of mourning but I knew I couldn’t stay like this forever. So I took a vacuum and lay them to rest forever.
RIP my pet pebbles
You will be missed.