The stages of crispy hair

Today I discovered the different textures that can be achieved from applying illegal amounts of hairspray.

A light sauté is best suited for when you want to buy hairspray less than twice a month, as you use the closest possible amount to a logical portion of hairspray. But it’s like comparing a human and a squirrel to an ant. The squirrel is indeed closer to the size of the ant than a human is, but in no way is it close. It’s still in no way close to a legal amount.

A medium pan sear is ideal as you can utilize it for most occasions. This is the most popular texture on the menu. Significantly heavier on the amount of required hair spray versus the light sauté, but most people are willing to buy the extra hair spray because they want to achieve this perfect effect.

The heavy double deep fry is the holy grail of hairspray finishes. Rarely utilized because of its legendary status, the modus operandi to attain this finish is quite simple actually. Just spray all the hair spray you can find in aisle 12 @ Target and you now have a head full of crystalized hairs. This highly practical style can be used to keep every single strand of hair in that perfect “hair blowing in the wind” position forever for everyday activities such sky diving and parasailing. You won’t have to worry about not looking like a model or hair getting unattractively in your face because you’ll have plastic lego hair that will stay picture perfect whenever you need it. One warning you should heed caution to is that it’s not a good idea to stand within twelve inches of a heat source. You may burst into flames.

Of course if you’re not into fast food because you’re one of those people who have committed to a “healthy lifestyle” (which I can’t comprehend how you could give up fries), there is no discrimination here because you can read all about boiled al dente for a lighter fix, or baked if you still want that crispy texture but with half the fat.

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